Gods, this is hard to write...

To say that today has been a bad day would be the height of understatement.
I can't soften this blow.
I lost my job.
You heard me, I got fired.
Never saw it coming. I've been busting my ass for two months, trying to build a shop where there was none, working on crap instruments, and trying to do everything with nothing. And today, out of the blue.... I understand the term "poleaxed" now.

So, since I was planning on gofering at Bubonicon 39 this weekend, that's where I am. On the plus side, I get the whole weekend off. I hope that keeping busy will help me cope and get through the initial shock.

What now? I don't know. I mean, I know I've got to find work, and soon, but I can't think any more specifically than that right now. I know I have skills, and can find a job, but how good a job? The cost of living out here still scares me.
I have enough to pay this next month's rent, and most of the bills. I don't know if I can qualify for unemployment.
The hardest part is telling all my friends. This was supposed to be a dream job, a real opportunity to finally succeed in my chosen field. Maybe I just need to face the idea that I chose the wrong field. But if that's so, what the hell is the right field? I can't count on making a living from any of my half-assed creative endeavors...even in a town like Santa Fe.
This was supposed to be the time when everything turned out right. So what the hell went wrong? Did I not believe hard enough? Did I trust the universe too much? Is it because I can't feel joy strongly enough? What lesson did I flunk this time? Why do the clue by fours have to hurt so much when they hit?
If this is supposed to be clearing the way for better things, I sure hope it becomes apparent soon. I don't know how much more of this I can take without losing my mind.